Un-Dib
by Editor-Bug
Summary: Gaz teaches Dib how to be as dark and scary as her, which ends up going pretty well for him. But such spookiness comes at a price... ONE-SHOT! Read & review if you like!


(A/N: I don't know where this one came from... I relate to Gaz, though, because my brother is annoying as hell, but everyone thinks I'm just being a jerk to him. I've said it before, but even though I like Dib, let's be honest, you wouldn't want him for a brother)

* * *

The mocking laughter of the children rang in Dib's ears as he reached the Membrane household. Once again, he had failed to prove that Zim was (obviously) a demon from beyond the galaxy, and what was worse this time is that they had physically humiliated him. Horribly. He got mud in places he didn't even know he had.

Dib was so fed up with everybody. Well, at least he could return home to a sister who cared, right? Right?

He opened the front door to his home, wiped his muddy boots off on the mat and closed the door behind him. His little sister, Gaz, was sitting on the couch and watching TV.

"Hey, Gaz," Dib greeted her..

"Shhhhhhhhh!" the girl hushed him. "The long trailer is on."

Dib peered over at the TV. It was showing a trailer for this really bloody and violent video game. He never understood the things his sister was obsessed with. At the end of the commercial, it showed that the game was rated MA.

"Grrr!" growled Gaz.

"What?" asked Dib.

"Rise Of The Hog Lord 2 is rated MA for harsh language!"

"Yeah, and? Since when do you care about the rating?"

"Don't you remember what happened last time I got a game with swears in it?"

Dib thought back to two years ago. He could recall one incident in particular...

 _"Daughter!" Professor Membrane gasped. "What is that icky word I heard come from your gaming device?"_

 _Eight-year old Gaz looked up at her father. "You mean- -"_

 _"Don't say it! While I appreciate your ambition for science-based entertainment, I feel a parenting urge coming on!" He snatched the game from his daughter. "No more MA rated games!" He crushed it in his fist. "EVER."_

 _A single tear rolled down little Gaz's cheek. It hit the floor and burned through the center of the Earth._

 _"Hey, Dad!" Nine-year old Dib called from the kitchen. "Can I stay up and watch 'Spooky Happenings'?"_

 _"Of course, son! You're the big brother! You can watch whatever potentially scarring content you want!"_

"Oh, yeah." Dib wiped some mud from his face.

"Now my life will NEVER be complete..." Purple fire seemed to emanate from Gaz as she stood from the couch and stomped upstairs. Dib was careful to stay out of her way.

He thought Gaz was so lucky. No one would ever dare to pick on her.

XXXXXXXTHENEXTDAYXXXXXXX

The next day was Friday, so Dib unfortunately had to go back to Skool just after...you-know-what happened. The instant he stepped into class, everyone, most hysterically Zim, started laughing and pointing at him, recalling what they had done to him the previous day. That went on for what felt like an eternity.

"Ms. Bitters!" Dib shouted over the cackling. "Aren't you going to do anything to stop this?!"

"I can't hear you, child," the teacher replied.

XXXXXXXLUNCHXXXXXXX

And by lunchtime, Dib had a headache.

"Ah. Ah. Ow," he muttered, holding his head.

Zim, who happened to be passing by Dib's table, smirked and approached him to gloat.

"Head-a-kuhs, human? Hmm, that's too bad; it must be awful with that gigantic head of yours. Still, you should've known better than to- -"

"ZIM. I AM NOT. IN THE MOOD FOR YOU." Dib growled in a low tone.

Zim visibly shrank back from Dib's harshness, but he recovered half a second later. "Fine! Zim shall leave you and your hellish runt of a sister- -"

Gaz sent a spine-chilling glare the alien's way that instantly shut him down.

"...to your meal." Zim hurried away.

Dib and Gaz chuckled darkly at his terror, and the fact that he tripped on his way to his table. Suddenly, Dib snapped out of some sort of trance.

"Wait...what did I just say?" he seemed to ask nobody. "Did I...actually make Zim retreat in fear?"

Gaz sipped some juice. "Hmm. It seems you have untapped potential in you. Some kind of power like the one I have."

"...what?" Dib asked in confusion.

Gaz rolled her eyes. "The kind that makes everyone fear you. Watch."

It just so happened that Keef walked by the table where the siblings sat. Gaz grabbed him by the shirt and shook him.

"Hey, you!" she snarled in his face. "Have we ever met before?"

"Nope!" he replied with a smile. "Let's be friends!"

Gaz gritted her teeth and slowly opened her eyes. As she did so, Keef's smile disappeared. He looked around nervously. It was like he suddenly wanted to get away, but he couldn't. And was it just him, or was it more sinister in the cafeteria all of a sudden?

"Th...This shirt is polyster..." he croaked out.

"Still want to _be friends?_ " Gaz hissed.

Keef shook his head rapidly. "Not particularly!"

"GOOD." Gaz released him. "Now GET LOST!"

Keef ran away crying.

"Wow!" Dib said in amazement. "I wish I could use powers like that! Nobody would ever mess with me again! Will you teach me?"

"In your dreams!" scoffed Gaz. "Why would I waste my time helping you?"

"Well...what if I got that new Hog Lord game for you?"

"I'm listening."

"I'll just tell Dad that I'm going to play it! He won't mind. I'll get it for you as soon as we finish!"

"...you got cash?"

"Uh-huh! Birthday money!"

Gaz sipped the last of her juice. "...fine! But you get it for me the _second_ your training is complete!"

"YES!"

"We start tomorrow."

XXXXXXXTOMORROWXXXXXXX

"Alright, how do we start?" Dib asked. He and Gaz were out on the sidewalk in front of the Membrane household, and the former was eager to start training. "Do I have to climb a mountain? Chop a block of wood? Go up a flight of stairs? Take a journey into self-awareness? Do I get a training music montage?"

"...take your clothes off," said Gaz, facing the street.

"Wh-What?! GAZ, WE'RE OUTSIDE- -"

"DO IT. It's for your training."

The boy crossed his arms. "No way! I have my dignity!"  
Despite Gaz's grunts of displeasure, he remained clothed.

A mob of kids, led by Zim, walked by. They stopped momentarily to laugh and point at Dib. Then they left, chattering about how ridiculous his haircut was and such.

"Hohh..." Dib removed his black trench coat. "Well, if this is what you're into..."

A low growling sound came from where Gaz was standing. Dib took that as a signal to undress more quickly. He soon finished, and he had neatly folded his clothes on the lawn beside him.

Gaz turned around and furrowed her brow.

"Lose the undies!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Gaz, is this some kind of humility lesson? Because I'm not feeling very feared or respected."

"It'll kick in any minute."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't believe you made me parade around the whole city with no clothes on! NONE! I mean, what were you thinking?! That the police all had a day off today and wouldn't try to arrest me for public nudity?!"

Gaz waited impatiently from the other side of the door for Dib to finish dressing up. "I don't get what you're complaining about; I was the one who had to be seen with you. Besides, that horde of rabid ferret men managed to stall the cops."

Dib opened the door, causing Gaz to fall back slightly, and emerged from his room fully clothed. "Well, that is the last time I'll ever do anything THAT embarrassing."

"We'll see. Here, hold this." Gaz placed something warm and wet in her brother's outstretched hand.

"EWWW!" Dib shook his hand off, revealing that Gaz had handed him a big spitball. It splatted against the far wall. "Why did you hand me THAT?"

"Why did you take it?" Gaz shot back.

"Well...because you told me to."

"Exactly. I tell you to walk around town naked, and you do it. I tell you to hold something and you just do it, with no threats included. What lesson have you learned, Dib?"

"Never listen to you?"

"No, stupid, don't take orders from ANYBODY. Ever. It only leads to humiliation and/or misery. Use this practice from this point on."

"Oh...but wait, how am I supposed to complete the training without taking orders?"

"...you know, that's actually a good point. Until your training is complete, ONLY listen to me. You ready for lesson #2?"

"I guess..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For the next week or so, Gaz taught Dib all of her scary and spooky ways, from the proper wardrobe to intimidating any citizens who dated stand in his way. Determined to pass, Dib took Gaz's instruction to heart. They trained almost non-stop. By the end of the weekend, Dib had fully harnessed his powers of darkness and he purchased Rise Of The Hog Lord 2.

"Here." Dib plopped the game case into Gaz's hands.

"Pleasure doing business with you." She took the case and hurried upstairs to lock herself in her room.

Dib couldn't wait for school the next day. He was going to show everyone how much he'd changed, and they'd all be sorry they messed with him.

XXXXXXXTHENEXTDAYXXXXXXX

The entire class sat oogling at Dib's new outfit.

A black and blue striped tee had replaced his usual "emo face" shirt, his trench coat was shorter, and he wore a spiked collar around his neck. His trademark scythe hair was curved like a hook at the end, and he'd even swapped out his glasses for contacts. Because no one could be scared of a guy with glasses, you know.

Dib ignored the students and got right to his seat.

During reading time, a lot of whispering went on and Dib could hear his name multiple times.

"HEY," he spoke up. "You all talking about me?"

Nobody responded.

"Yeah," Dib folded his hands upon his desk. "That's what I thought."

XXXXXXXLUNCHTIMEXXXXXXX

By lunch, the students were struggling not to talk about Dib. It just bugged them how weird he was acting, even moreso than before.

But Zim had the most difficult time dealing with this.

 _"This is going to drive me mad!"_ he thought in anger. _"What's happened to that stinking human?! He's so...un-Dib! I must find out what kind of pathetic little game he's playing!"_

So, Zim marched, or stomped, rather, over to Dib and Gaz's table.

"What kind of pathetic little game are you playing?!"

"I'm _trying_ to play Rise Of The Hoglord 2, if you must know," Gaz replied.

"Not you!" snapped Zim. He pointed in Dib's face. "YOU, un-Dib!"

Dib smacked Zim's hand away from him. "What's it to you?"

"To me?! ME! I- - y-YOU! RRRRRR!" Zim held his head in frustration. "Listen to me, human. I know this act you've convinced everyone of is really just...an act! You haven't fooled Zim! And soon enough, they'll ALL see the truth!"

Dib shrugged. "I don't care what people think."

"Since when?"

"Since I began life anew. This is who I am now. And if you keep whining about it, you can answer to my fist." He raised it for emphasis.

Zim flinched. "Okay..."

After he had gone, Dib just went back to gagging on his lunch.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For the next few days, it was pretty sweet to be Dib. He didn't have to worry about people picking on him, or laughing behind his back. He didn't even have to bother with Zim anymore because the alien was still too freaked out to even be near Dib. Now that all the naysayers were silenced, he could pursue the paranormal undeterred!

But when the time came to prepare his findings for the next big Swollen Eyeball meeting, he found that he could not.

"...come on, let's go!" Dib pressed his palms against his keyboard. "Go on, hands, do some research or something!"

His hands flopped upon the keys in futility.

"Ugh. I don't care. What's all this stupid 'research' gonna do for me anyway? Help me save the STUPID world?" Dib covered his mouth in shock. "Wh...what am I saying?! Of course I wanna save the world! ...but who caaares? AUGH! What's wrong with me?! ...GAZ!"

Dib darted out of his room and repeatedly banged on his sister's bedroom door. "GAZ, GAZ, GAZ! Help me! I'm saying things I don't mean!"

"Busy!" came Gaz's cold reply. She was still glued to her game.

Dib stepped away from the door in fear. "What's happening to me? It seems like I've harnessed that 'dark energy' stuff Gaz told me about...but at the cost of my will to protect to humanity! Oh, why didn't I see this coming?! Gaz HATES humanity! I've gotta get back to good ol' Dib!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Uh, Agent Mothman? Are you...feeling okay?"

"Sure, Agent Tunaghost. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you look kinda spooky right now, to be honest."

"I know. That's what I need your help with."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tunaghost lit the final candle. "Okay, the circle is complete. Do you have an absorption talisman?"

"Yep," Dib nodded. "This Filler Bunny toy should do nicely. It was MADE for just taking up space!"

Agent Tunaghost took the toy from Dib and placed at the edge of the absorption circle.

"All the potent dark energy from your body will be contained in this toy. After that, it would be best if you destroy it," she explained. "But Mothman, are you sure you want to do this? I thought all this dark stuff was doing wonders for your life."

"Well, it is, but...but that's not me," Dib sighed heavily. "Being a paranormal investigator is who I am. Having dark powers and being scary is cool and all, but if it keeps me from being me, then I'll have to do without it."

"Even with all those kids bullying you again?"

"If that's the way my life is," Dib said with a touch of sadness. But then he shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing I can do about it."

"Wow...that is SAD."

"Oh, let's just get this over with!" snapped Dib, sitting at the edge of the circle opposite the toy. "This choker's starting to actually choke me!"

Tunaghost stepped in the center of the circle and cleared her throat. "Aufer putatis de tenebris magicae!"

An ominous wind filled Dib's room, extinguishing all the candles. Dib braced himself as he felt the darkness draining out of his body. It flowed all the way down a chalk line drawn on the floor beneath Agent Tunaghost and into the Filler Bunny, which turned wrinkled and black.

"SKREEEEE!" the toy wretched out.

"WHOA!" exclaimed Dib. "That happens?! It comes to life?!"

"I didn't mention that?" Tunaghost asked dismissively. "By the way, this favor is gonna cost you lunch for a week."

Dib was too preoccupied flinging random objects at the living doll to care. Screaming, he ran out of the room, and it gave chase.

"Okay? I'll just let myself out," muttered Tunaghost.

"DOLL TRYING TO MURDER ME!" Dib yelled all around the house.

He ran and ran, but that creepy little toy just wouldn't give up. Finally, he decided to seek help. Well, sort of.

"GAZ! GAZ, GAZ, GAZ!" he pounded on the door so hard it woke up the neighbors. Trembling, he stared back at the top of the staircase, which the bunny doll would reach any second now.

Suddenly, Gaz appeared at the door. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"You better have a GOOOOOD reason for interrupting the Hog Lord."

"I..." Dib tried to come up with something. "I have a present for you!"

Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"It's..." Dib blindly reached behind his back and grabbed the Filler Bunny toy that had just caught up with him. He held it out to his sister. "This! You're into stuff like this, right?"

Gaz examined the toy carefully, then poked it. It made the "SKREEEE!" noise, even more gruesomely than before. She snatched it from her brother.

"Hmm. I don't hate it. Maybe you've actually been listening to me after all."

After she closed the door, Dib let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Let me know if that thing tries to murder you!" he called through the door.

"QUIET, Dib!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Dib was back to his old self. No one would say it to his face, but they were glad to see him return to "normal". Zim, however, openly expressed his gratitude. In his own way.

"Zim, knock it off," Dib muttered for the umpteenth time. He got another poke in the arm. "Quit it!"

Zim recoiled. "I don't understand..."

"You? Don't understand something? What a surprise!" Dib said sarcastically.

"You've returned to your old ways, then, Dib? No more striped shirts?"

"That's right, Zim," Dib sighed. "I'm me again. What about it?"

"...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim really cackled out of relief instead of triumph. "DIRT CHILDREN! Look at the Dib! Clearly he is not as high and mighty as he let on! MOCK HIM!"

The other children on the playground began laughing along with Zim. Dib just sat there and took it. He knew he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"You losers just never let up," Gaz finally spoke. "You seriously have nothing better to do than laugh at my brother all day? It's annoying."

"Oh, why don't you join us, little Gaz?" taunted Zim. "Come on, you can laugh at him too! I've never heard you laugh before! Maybe it'd be interes- -"

Gaz whipped out the toy bunny and squeezed it so hard it practically turned inside out.

"SKREEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHH!"

Zim and the children fled as quickly as possible, screaming all the way.

"Wow...thanks, Gaz!" Dib grinned down at her. "I guess that as long as I stick with you, I don't have to worry about being humiliated! ...which sounds paradoxical, now that I say it out loud, but- -"

"Shh. Playing."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

* * *

(A/N: Wowww, this is finally done, after, like, 5 years. Ha, I'm exaggerating of course, but seriously, I've been working on this one for a long time! Yet I still feel embarrassment about it...I almost hope it doesn't get much attention

All that's left to say is please review and fave if you liked this, and check out my profile for more stories! Au revoir!)


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